At wit's end

I feel sometimes like I only write when I'm frustrated. Yes I should be writing on the good days but those are the days when I don't need to vent. WonderDad and I had a huge arguement this morning. WonderBoy had managed somehow to hit or kick or land on (I'm not sure which) the Alligator's chest last night. I was out at a business dinner. I never get to go out. I'm on my way home and I call in to check on the kids and Wonderdad tells me about this. He said that WonderBoy has lost the ability to go to Tae Kwon Do class since that's what he said he was doing when the Alligator got hit. I'm upset of course because I liked taking Wonderboy to class but I know that I said that if he ever used Tae Kwon Do on his brother he would lose the ability to go. Open and shut case right? Wrong because I am an idiot. I went back and talked to Wonderboy again. I don't think he gets the concept of forever. I found myself guilting him over the fact that he screwed up. Wonderdad gets mad at me and then gets quiet and leaves for his hockey game.

We fight differently. I get loud he internalizes. I feel like I'm going crazy at home and he tends to be calmer. But then I get resentful over the fact that I also work a full time job but I HAVE to leave on time to get the kids. He will work later and say that it's important. Well my crap is important too. He offered to find a new job today. His current job is really interesting tohim although frustrating at times. But it also makes him travel more and work later and work on weekends. Maybe it's not worth it.

The other day he said kind of off the cuff that he thought that I didn't like our kids. He said that I always seem frustrated by them. I was so hurt. I love our children but yes they drive me crazy when they whine and fight. He said that they do the same things to him but it's never as often as they do it to me. He goes to hockey or works late. I have the drives home with the kids and I have to hear about what they did at school. I deal with the crap and shield him from a lot of it. Yes I make him come and scold the kids at time so that I am not alwys the bad guy.

We've been bickering more lately as the boys are acting up. We don't actually fight about other stuff. Not money, not sex. Just the kids. It's killing me. I told him that I hated the idea of being in a house where it feels like he hates me. He said maybe he shouldn't be at the house. I asked him if he wanted to divorce. He said no. We've been married for 8 years and together for 13. I've never been more worried about him leaving as I was this morning. When we finally left for work I think we got things worked out. I'm drained and frustrated. I just need some words of wisdom from someone out there.