At wit's end

I feel sometimes like I only write when I'm frustrated. Yes I should be writing on the good days but those are the days when I don't need to vent. WonderDad and I had a huge arguement this morning. WonderBoy had managed somehow to hit or kick or land on (I'm not sure which) the Alligator's chest last night. I was out at a business dinner. I never get to go out. I'm on my way home and I call in to check on the kids and Wonderdad tells me about this. He said that WonderBoy has lost the ability to go to Tae Kwon Do class since that's what he said he was doing when the Alligator got hit. I'm upset of course because I liked taking Wonderboy to class but I know that I said that if he ever used Tae Kwon Do on his brother he would lose the ability to go. Open and shut case right? Wrong because I am an idiot. I went back and talked to Wonderboy again. I don't think he gets the concept of forever. I found myself guilting him over the fact that he screwed up. Wonderdad gets mad at me and then gets quiet and leaves for his hockey game.

We fight differently. I get loud he internalizes. I feel like I'm going crazy at home and he tends to be calmer. But then I get resentful over the fact that I also work a full time job but I HAVE to leave on time to get the kids. He will work later and say that it's important. Well my crap is important too. He offered to find a new job today. His current job is really interesting tohim although frustrating at times. But it also makes him travel more and work later and work on weekends. Maybe it's not worth it.

The other day he said kind of off the cuff that he thought that I didn't like our kids. He said that I always seem frustrated by them. I was so hurt. I love our children but yes they drive me crazy when they whine and fight. He said that they do the same things to him but it's never as often as they do it to me. He goes to hockey or works late. I have the drives home with the kids and I have to hear about what they did at school. I deal with the crap and shield him from a lot of it. Yes I make him come and scold the kids at time so that I am not alwys the bad guy.

We've been bickering more lately as the boys are acting up. We don't actually fight about other stuff. Not money, not sex. Just the kids. It's killing me. I told him that I hated the idea of being in a house where it feels like he hates me. He said maybe he shouldn't be at the house. I asked him if he wanted to divorce. He said no. We've been married for 8 years and together for 13. I've never been more worried about him leaving as I was this morning. When we finally left for work I think we got things worked out. I'm drained and frustrated. I just need some words of wisdom from someone out there.

Thanksgiving ahoy

I'm going to have to see my mother for Thanksgiving. I really don't want to. I've spoken to her I think once (maybe twice) in the last few months. I had to initiate those calls. I want to see my dad just not her. I know it sounds horrible but if she weren't my mother I would never choose to deal with her. Say what you want but it's true.

I hate that I have mommy issues but I'm so tired of wanting things that in my heart I know will never happen. One Christmas I asked my mom to write down the recipes that I loved as a child so that I could cook those things for my kids. My mom really is an excellent cook. She gave me a chocolate fountain instead that she bought from QVC. You might say that it was a lovely gift. And it was when I received it from her the year before.

She sends lovely hand written cards to my friends when they get engaged or have a child. I get nothing. I don't know why we never bonded but I've wanted to have that forever. I seriously have panic attacks worrying that I am completely going to screw up my kids lives. It's definitely one of the reasons that I didn't want to have a girl. I wouldn't want her to have these same feelings for me that I have for my mom. Somehow it feels different with little boys.

Random Crap

I know I haven't written in forever but I've been busy having my ass handed to me by my Big Boss and dealing with the fall out of all of that shit. A few months back I was foolish enough to thing that if you work your ass off, that good things may actually happen for you. BAH! After much effort and a possible promotion dangling in front of me, I was called into the Big Boss' office and told that while my work is great my people skills sucked ass. I added the ass part. He did say that they sucked though. I apparently pissed off the wrong people when I told them that they can't have everything for free and that if the quality of their data looked bad they might want to run some quality controls prior to giving the samples to me. These incidents occurred at a couple different times but whatever. I sucked. I was too aggressive according to the Big Boss. Would they say that if I was a guy? Maybe I don't know. I was bitter (ok still am) and depressed for a long while. I was told that I needed to meet with the head of HR and learn how to deal with difficult people. BAH. Ok I have done these things because if the boss tells you to do it, you do it. But in the process my self confidence has plummeted into the toilet. I've grown bitter about having put in all the effort only to feel like I was shit upon. Yes I am using this information as a learning experience but it still sucks.

So instead of writing, I sat and have read about other peoples lives. At the end of the day I still have my job but the shine is off the apple a bit. They haven't officially hired someone for that promotion yet but I doubt that it's gonna be me. Maybe I shouldn't even want it. It will require working with those people that are the most problematic.

When I was in the fourth grade I transferred out of Catholic school to the public school across the street. There, I was a virtual rock star. Ok I was teacher's pet but to me that was a rock star. I got away with all sorts of shit, mostly because I finished my assignments before everyone else. I would schedule Mr F's tennis appointments and vet appointments and all sorts of crap. Yeah I was basically his secretary but no one else got to use the phone in the teacher's lounge. When I was in the fifth grade, I was no longer special. Mr D made sure that everyone got a chance to do something special. He used bingo chips. We were all assigned numbers at the start of the year and when he wanted something done he shook the container (ala Vinnie Testa's) and if your number was picked you got to do something cool. Ok I got over that disappointment because I knew that I was really smart. Smarter, in fact than most of the kids in my class. Yeah I knew I was near the top of my class but I was proud of that. I knew that I could lead people. Until one day when we were split into groups. There were four of us in a group. Ann G was in there. She was near the top of the class too. I actually wasn't sure which one of us was smarter. I always hoped it was me because Ann was in the popular group and thus I disliked her.

When you transfer schools and you don't come from some sexy new location (i.e. the West Coast or even Pennsylvania), you either have to be really pretty or really to get into the popular group. Although I'm really cute, I have an overbearing mother and a long series of hand-me-down clothes. I was never going to fit in.But I knew I was smart so it was something. How2 stated these feeling much more eloquently in her Queen Bee post. Anyhow, there I was in a group and it was some sort of mapping project. Everyone sat down and started talking about how to address the task at hand. And when they were done I pointed out that they were wrong and that there was a better, simpler way of doing it. Well Mr D pulled me aside and told me that I wasn't allowed to do that. I didn't understand why. According to him I needed to do what the rest of the group said even if it was wrong. To this day I don't get that shit. Either let me point out how to fix the problem or let me do this by myself.

I bring up this incident, which obvious still bothers me, because in the office with the big boss, I felt like I was in the fifth grade again. If I can't indicate that certain actions are going to compromise the results, because somebody else's feeling may be hurt what the hell is the point? No one cares that my feelings were hurt. I was told not to take it personally but when you are told that YOUR people skills suck, it is personal. Basically you are told to sit there are take it even if it's wrong and then take all the blame when the people are pissed about the results. I need this job so I take it. But it sucks balls.

Why you should not wear a bikini on the beach

So we're well ensconced on our family vacation. I've got WonderDad, Wonderboy, The Alligator, WonderGramma, WonderPapa, WonderGrammy and WonderGrampy all with me. The other day I was sitting on the beach with the Alligator. I was wearing a bikini. It's not too showy. It's got a halter top and a bottom that's big enough to make sure that my butt is fully covered. The Alligator and I were sitting in the surf just letting the waves wash up on us. Suddenly I realized that it felt like I had a just taken a big poo in my bikini bottom. Now of course I didn't! But all that sand had started washing itself up into my bottoms. WonderGramma said that I should go out into the ocean and rinse off. I tried but the sand had actualy worked itself into the inner liner of the suit. Yeah. So I tried as gracefully as possible to leave the beach and change my suit. That suit has now been designated as pool only!

Just Wrong

http://www.chiaobama.com/
I have no words. This is just wrong.

Paternity Leave

Ok so this is probably not going to be a very welcomed notion but I honestly believe that in MOST cases extended paternity leave is stupid. I'm not talking about parents of preemies, sick children, multiples, spouses with massive post partum depression or complications, or couples that are waiting to get into daycare. I can understand the leave in these cases. However, people who take leave months after the child is born who are not doing it for bonding purposes but rather for an extended vacation are ridiculous. I'm sorry. My husband took 2 days off with our first child and 1 day with our second child. I just didn't need him to be at home with us during that time. All the baby is going to do is eat, sleep and poop. Sure he can change a diaper but he wasn't going to breastfeed the little nugget. After 7 weeks of maternity leave I went back to work. The first time I didn't have an option. I didn't qualify for the Family Medical Leave Act since I had only been at my job for 4 months. With my second child, I could have stayed home for 4 months. I was so antsy, I couldn't do it. I'm not busting on moms that take more time. I'm not busting on stay at home moms or stay at home dads for that matter. However, there are a lot of men where I work and where WonderDad work that view this as vacation time. F*CK OFF! Be a man and go to work you lazy bum!

Will this frustration never end?

So I've been irritable again lately. Big surprise. Mostly I've been agitated at my family. Not Wonderdad or the kids but rather my Mom, Dad and sister. Here's the deal. Last Thanksgiving Opa said that he and my mom would come visit this summer. We had taking the kids out there for the umpteenth time and they promised. Thus far no scheduled trips. They actually have not been here since Wonderboy was 2 months old.

My mom and I got into an argument back then about the fact that she could not press on my newborn's belly to get the gas out and that it was not a good idea to have a just fed baby in a verticle incline. She said she had been a mother longer than me. I said that's my kid. She threw a fit and locked herself in her bedroom. The next morning she started screaming at me like a maniac and tried to hit me while I was holding the baby. She then tried to swallow a bottle of pills. Well not really. She put all the pills in her mouth but didn't swallow any of them. She was just being dramatic. What can I say? The woman is insane. She then locked herself in her room and refused to come out and made my dad leave 8 hours early the next day for the airport that is 15 minutes from my house. She didn't speak to me for a year. It was a quiet year. She finally started talking to me again but she never apologized for her behavior. Wonderdad put his foot down and said that until she apologizes she can't stay in our house. They can come see the kids but she has to stay at a hotel. They have never been back.

Anyhow, they promised and they lied. Oma started saying that Opa had to go to Switzerland to get the steamer trunks that have been there for 30 years! How that prevents them from taking a 2 hour flight to see their grandkids I don't know. I was talking to her about Thanksgiving this year. She starts talking about how she has to go to Singapore and to go help my sister who is pregnant with her second child. I said that if she goes to Singapore this year she will not have seen the kids once this year at all since we won't travel to New York for Christmas. And I was annoyed about her going to see my sister.

I'm not evil and all but here's the thing. When I was due to give birth to the Alligator I asked if she was going to come down like she did with Wonderboy. She said, "You've done this before you don't need me." Thanks. So I was irritated that she was so adamant about having to go see my sister. Plus she said that now that my sister's husband is working full time they will need her help. I was pissed because my husband and I have always worked full time. She didn't even see the Alligator until he was 6 months old. She skipped his baptism. She skipped everything else. She only saw him at 6 months because I begged my folks to join my family on our family vacation to Tampa. If I hadn't she would not have seen him until he was a 1 year old. And we were talking at that time! Not that my dad is innocent in all of this either. It's not like he came to see the kids either.

Anyhow, I was talking to my sister and I mentioned that mom was going to visit her. I started to say that I was annoyed at first about the idea but I didn't even manage to get the sentance out. She cut me off and said that she didn't want to hear it. I told her that she could at least let me get the rest of my sentence out which was to say that I was annoyed at first but then Wonderdad reminded me that she was going to have a C-section and her daughter doesn't go to daycare like Wonderboy does so she probably would need the extra help. My Sister just continued to bitch me out and say that she wasn't choosing sides and she didn't want to hear about any of it. I got so annoyed at her yelling that I just hung up. I didn't feel like arguing with her. I didn't feel like pointing out that I wasn't asking her to choose sides. I just was talking and wanted to tell her how I felt.

The thing is that I know my mom doesn't like me. She is only nice when she wants something. It's always been that way. She likes my sister. My sister isn't a bad person. She's just self involved. She never visited me in college. She never let me visit her. She never cared about anything in particular in my life. Hell she wasn't even there when I graduated as salutatorian from high school. When I was a freshman in college I knitted her a beautiful blanket in her school colors. She put it UNDER her mattress so that her mattress wouldn't slip. She's seen the Alligator once at her daughter's baptism. My husband was a godparent. At her wedding I was told the week before that I would be doing a reading and I wasn't given the reading until the morning of the wedding. After saying that she wanted me there when she got ready, she decided that her friends were enough and told me not to bother. There was one family picture. Are you getting the picture here? I've really questioned whether it's me but I seem to have friends and most people I know think that my mom is insane and my sister is a princess. Not just my friends. My friends parents. Hell even some of my parent's friends that are closer to my dad think so.

So why have I spent nearly 32 years of my life trying to be my sister's friend and to get my mom to like me? I don't know I'm taking suggestions.

Another rough morning

I went out to the car this morning, got the kids in and then tried to start the engine. I got nothing. Turns out that the sweet Alligator decided to play with the interior lights of MamaSigi mobile last night. Well with the heat at 6PM still at 101 and the lights on we were left with a dead battery this morning. Not a I can jump this and go battery. No a dead one. One swift call to AAA and they had it jumped enough so that we could go to Sears to get a new battery. Well actually I called Sears to see what the wait was like and they said that they had one tech on hand but he was allergic to battery acid. Who the fuck isn't? I don't want that shit on me either. Really allergic? Luckily WonderDad was still home this morning. He drove to the mall and picked up a battery so that I didn't have to lug BoyWonder and the Alligator through the Sears scolding them to "not touch anything" and "no we are not buying that now". I finally got to work at 10:30. I had to park on the roof of the parking garage. It should be lovely to get into this evening.

And then the cat peed...

I've been having a rough couple of weeks. It feels like nothing is going right at work. I have investigators complaining left and right about stuff I can't fix. There was Teacher appreciation week at school last week, which was miserable and my baby is growing up.

Teacher Appreciation Week was particularly trying on me. I adore the teachers at daycare. I really do. However, daycare is fucking expensive and a full week of appreciating someone (or more aptly 6 someones) is not cheap. I had not intended on sitting on the planning committee. I got roped into it at the last minute. The swine flu stuff was was on hand so I wasn't at the initial planning session. I did send a note out to the parents on the planning committee asking that we not go crazy this year. I feel like each year people were trying to top the year before. I just can't afford to deal with people's egos that way. I also mentioned that in the last year we had two increases in daycare costs. Well the head of the committee forwarded my email to the director of the daycare and she sent me a nasty note saying that they had only been one increase. WRONG. My bank account says otherwise. Things were going OK for a while. Here was the schedule of events:

Monday - Bring some sort of flower. I bought seed packets. I can't grow shit.
Tuesday -Breakfast for the teachers. Donated by Dunkin Donuts
Wednesday -Spa day. We were supposed to bring lotion of something for each teacher. First of all I bought the baskets for every teacher at daycare. No reimbursement. I made rice heating pads for the 6 teachers I had to shop for.
Thursday -Chinese lunch donated.
Friday -Early pickup, gift cards and notes from each child.

Sounds pretty sweet right? Here's where it got nasty. The woman in charge of gift cards (we had to give $10 per kid. Told you this shit was adding up.) sent an email showing the breakdown of the gift cards. Well somehow the director and the secretary had more than some of the teachers. I sent an email basically saying that that was ridiculous. The money should go to the teachers not the secretary that sits on her ass all day (I'm not knocking secretaries here. I was one at one point in my life. I just can't stand this lady.) and not the director that gets paid a lot more than the teachers. Well a bunch of parents backed me but a few didn't and were nasty about it. There was sparring all day over email. I can't stand this shit.

OK so that was finally over. On Friday it was also the Alligator's second birthday. He was not thrilled about it. There were many cries of "NO BIRTHDAY" and they weren't just from me. I picked him and Wonderboy up early and took them to the zoo. We met up with S's family, and had plans to see J's family later. It was supposed to just be the 9 of us. However, before S's family got to the zoo another child from daycare spotted Wonderboy. M is a nice boy but he is crazy rough and his mom is a simpering dolt. M actually spit in S's mom's face last year and hit her (OK maybe he's not THAT nice) and his mom did nothing. They tagged along with us for a while, irritating me all the way. M wanted to run off and I wanted Wonderboy nearby. After a half hour of M getting into everyone's faces and being too rough with Wonderboy I told him that he needed to stop or he could not play with Wonderboy. His mom mummbled, "M, do you hear that? M?" Ugh. Well he did it again and I was so peeved that I told M's mom that my kids needed to not be around M right now. I was not leaving S's family either. She packed M up and left. We did have a good time after that though.

My in-laws flew in and we had a small party of the Alligator that evening. We picked up barbecue and I even baked the cake. That by the way is a big thing since I don't really cook. It was in the shape of a tractor. Pictures to come. Wonderdad's friends/co-workers P and A came. A came with his family. We also officially found out that our neighbors are moving to Florida. I continue to be depressed by this.

The Alligator got lots of presents. Most of which he didn't want to open. He 'd open a few then want to play with them. We finally opened the last of the gifts last night. WonderDad and I managed to go out on a date with A and his wife, S. It was great. We went to Bonefish for dinner and Starbucks for dessert. Then WonderDad and I saw Star Trek and came home for sex. A good night was had by all.

OK so so far nothing sounds too bad. And in general nothing is horrible. But there are just days like yesterday that it feels like nothing can go right. I found myself being snippy with my co-workers. Alligator's godmother showed no sympathy and basically scolded me for being a working mom and allowing someone else to raise my kids (daycare in her mind), I had a massive headache and when I got home the cat had pooped in one spot upstairs, had a furball in the living room and after all of that was done I discovered that he had in fact peed on a cushion. I was frackin miserable. Wonderboy though gave me a big hug and patted my back. He said, "It's OK Mama. It will be alright." I kissed that big boy on the head and read him another chapter of Treasure Island. I told him he was my superhero. I did manage to finish Angels and Demons and WonderDad was awesome and snogged me but good. OK, I really shouldn't complain should I? In the end I know I'm luckier than many people. I have a home that's paid for, an awesome husband and tremendous kids. But let's face it every one in a while a girl needs to bitch about stuff.

Smells like Vampire Spirit

The other day I thought that I might freshen up the my office and get an air freshener. Our windows can't be opened at ThePlace and sometimes it just reeks after lunch. I bought one of those Glade Wisp Flameless candles. I don't do flowery scents so this was clean linen. I got to work and put it on. Within a short period of time I was overwhelmed by the scent. I was gagging on it. It was so cloyingly sweet that I ended up with a headache. At the time I was thinking that maybe this was what the werewolves thought that the vampires smelled like. It was the only thing that made me smile as I threw the thing away.

What the hell is the point?

OkI knew it wasn't going to take long before my mom did something that irritated me enough to write about her. She was coming back this weekend from trip in Europe. I had my dad call her to tell her that given the situation with the swine flu, it would be best if she either had a mask or a scarf to cover her mouth and nose for her long flight back. She says that she had a scarf around her neck.

Is that what I told her? No. She's so GD concerned with how she looks that she can't do one simple thing for me to make sure that she doesn't get sick and infect my dad. The woman annoys the shit out of me. The fact that I've been busting my ass working on this stuff, and that I work with THE people that would know about this stuff doesn't fucking phase her at all. She's so fucking selfish.

Marathon Mama

Now don't get all excited. I'm not about to actually do something physical here. Actually in the quest to try to figure out this swine flu stuff I pulled a 27 hour shift the other day at work. It was a long ass day and night. But with luck it will all be worth it. I think that the experiment may have worked. At least I sure as hell hope it did. I won't know until Monday or Tuesday. I do it all for you guys.

Actually I do it for my babies. If they got sick and I didn't do everything I could. Well look at these faces. You know why I did it. By the way despite the beliefs of complete strangers I did give birth to both of these munchkins with the help of one father. I can't help the fact that one is a clone for him and one is a clone for me. Awful cute though, no?

More late nights

So it's now quarter to nine and I'm still at work, again. I have another two hours before I can find out if I can proceed with this experiment. My boss and his boss both say that I need to make sure that I don't burn out. I know that. I told them both that once we get through this immediate crap that I'm taking time off and I'm not using vacation time for it either. They need to just give it to me. They agreed. Will any of this really help anyone? I have to believe that it will.

One boss says to worry about the swine flu. The other, who made his career working with it says it's bad but not horrible. I'm not sure who to believe. What I do believe though is that I can't risk my kids getting sick and feeling like I didn't do everything in my power to fight this. This is in my power. Like it or not.

Right now at work I have two guys who work for me. They are awesome. I had this one severely crazy woman before who gave me months of grief before they moved her to a different lab. Now I don't have nightmares where I'm yelling at her all night. Given how things are going I may very well end up with many more people under me very quickly. That's good and bad. It's good because technically I am fulfilling the potential everyone always said that I had. It's bad because I might fuck up. But I have to believe that God gave me certain skills to understand certain things. He does not want me fucking up.

I miss my kids though. I miss WonderDad. He really has been amazing. He's been picking the kids up everyday from daycare. It's a long drive for him to do that. They are at a place by me. I wanted it that way. When I was breastfeeding I always knew that if they ran out of milk I could run up the street to feed them. When they are sick I am less than 5 minutes away. Ok I was lousy at the first few things I did. I didn't want to be in the lab the whole day. I wanted to breathe and play and goof off...all the things I didn't do in undergrad. I eventually got my shit together and joined a new lab and I worked my ass off. It was rough. At the end I was 6 months pregnant, trying to finish my dissertation, move to a new state and start a new job. WonderDad was great then too. I'm really lucky. We support each other through these crises. He had one a few months ago when he just had to work non-stop to get a product out for work. If they didn't make it it was likely that everyone would have been fired. They made it and WonderDad was even promoted.

But some days I wish I could just stay at home with the kids and cook a great meal for WonderDad. My mom is a great cook. She helped us with our homework, kept the house spotless and always cooked a great meal. I hadn't even tried mac and cheese until I was 12. I love the stuff though! The problem is, when I am at home all I want to do it veg out and watch TV. I do like playing with the kids. I'm reading Treasure Island to WonderBoy . The original one not a kids version. He likes it. He actually is familiar with it from a cartoon so he tells me what's going to happen next. The thing is that I feel like I'm judged by everyone. If I stayed at home everyone would question why we moved to this state so far away from family. We did it for my job. If I have no job they'd want us back. But I like it here. WonderDad though would want to move back. If I stayed at home they'd question why I forced WonderDad to choose a career that really wasn't his first choice. He's great at it but it wasn't his dream.

Maybe it's not just family I'm worried about. Maybe it's really more about WonderDad. Will he resent me more if I changed my mind or if I work hard? I wish I knew. Either way it's a moot point. We're here and I have a job to do.

My big boss said that ThePlace is working on a plan that would allow people to work from home during this crises. I however am not going to be one of those people. He told me so. He isn't either to be fair and he has offered to help in the lab himself if he has to. He's always been good to me. His wife, who works in my department has been great too. It's funny because a lot of people don't really warm up to them. She's told me that I should embrace my inner bitch. I like her. He understands that I will do what it takes for ThePlace. In turn he has rewarded my past efforts with a job most people would kill for. Hell I have a bigger office than most, if not all, of the section heads. They also let me work from home when my kids are sick and leave for things without problem because they know that I put in the effort. I'm grateful for the job and their confidence. If only I could get some sleep...

Leaving Work

It's 11:30 PM. That's all I'm gonna say.

The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?

Do you remember in Armageddon when all they guys made specific requests to the US government if they managed to save the world? Well I want a deal like that. Ok I know that I'm not going to get 8 track tapes back or avoid paying taxes, like they did in the movie. But you know what I'd like when we finish all of this swine flu stuff? I'd like a date night with my husband. I want dinner at a swanky restaurant and I want to go to the movies. Haven't been able to do that in forever because we can't find a decent sitter. Ok actually we have one good sitter but she works like crazy and she charges $15 an hour for 2 kids! She's in grad school but still...

I gave up on the teenager across the street when the Barcardi disappeared while she was cat sitting. I mean we actually don't drink. The Bacardi was for cooking. If you're gonna steal liquor steal it from someone who might believe that they drank it themselves. And don't leave a mess in my sink! Anyhow, if she's gonna do that cat sitting, I can't trust her with my actual kids.

Sometimes I really wish I did drink. I don't because there is alcoholism in my family on both sides. My dad never really touched the hard stuff but he could throw back those beers. There was way too much crying that went on because of all of that, that I never want to put my kids through. But let me tell you, after the flight I took with the Alligator to Phoenix. I needed a drink.

It was probably the last flight we could make with him in my lap. He'll be 2 next month. He's wiggly and squirmy. I could live with all that. However, for that flight he was miserable. He started screaming while we were sitting in the waiting area. I told him we all feel like doing that but he needed to keep it down. We got on the plane and discovered that they had moved our seats. I thought I was being smart and courteous by booking us for the back of the plane. I figured that I would bother fewer people if he freaked out. However, the plane that we were on was this regional jet and they have specific seats for infants in laps in THE MIDDLE of the plane. Great! So there we are and the Alligator is screaming and now hitting.

By the way, How2, if no one has told you yet, the terrible twos are not related to being 2 years old. It's how long it takes until they are sane again from when they start acting like crazed wildebeests!

I digress... Anyhow, he was screaming and hitting. Some wiseass diagonally behind me says to his wife across the aisle, "Three hours of this!" I turned to him and loudly told him that I did not book those seats but was placed here so he was just going to half to deal with it! He apologized and said that he didn't mean anything by his comment but I just shot him a dirty look. He then offered the Alligator some pretzels to which the Alligator yelled, "NOOOOOO!!!!"

At some point he calmed down. Ok he calmed down when I turned on the DVD player that WonderDad didn't know I bought just before the trip. We have a portable DVD player but it's the really good one and I didn't want the Alligator to throw it everywhere. I figured that I could buy an inexpensive one and keep it in the diaper bag for emergencies like this. Anyhow, the Alligator is now calm and quiet but stretching his legs out against the back of the seat in front of me. I know how annoying it is to have someone kicking the seat but he wasn't doing anything. Just sitting there. Suddenly, Dumbass Stewardess comes by and says to the Alligator that he needs to move his legs because someone else is sitting in front of him. I mutter that the guy in front of me was just going to have to deal with this if it means that he's quiet for the rest of the plane. She proceeds to the back of the plane but when she comes back, the Alligator hasn't moved. She says, "Well I guess someone doesn't know how to listen".

Now I wanted to punch this bitch in the neck. I wanted to say that he's obviously less than two otherwise he wouldn't be allowed in my lap. What fucking two year old listens? However, you can't this shit anymore because they arrest your ass when the plane lands. So I just gave her a dirty look. By the way we were fine until the batteries on the DVD player died. Then the screaming started all over again.

By the end of the flight the Alligator was calmer. So much so that I made him say that he was sorry to everyone around us. I even told the poor guy in front of me that I would have given the kid Benedryl to knock him out but he is allergic to it. The flight reminded me of the old Bill Cosby sketch about Jeffrey, a 4 year old that reeked havoc on a flight. When we were done and at the Alligator's Godmother's (Tante D) house her husband handed me a drink. It was citrus flavored vodka and cranberry lime juice. I guzzled it. I was happy. For the next three days I had a drink at dinner. It was good. I'm back to my teetotalling ways at home now. But for a few sweet hours it felt good to drift away.

Swine Flu

Let me just start by saying that MamaSigi is tired. I am a scientist. I am currently working with people who are dealing with the swine flu problem. Fortunately/Unfortunately, that makes it my problem too. MamaSigi has already worked an 8.5 hour day and it looks like I will be working well into the night as well. But there is a pandemic out there and the fate of the world may very well rest on what I manage to accomplish tonight. Perhaps I should be known as WonderMama... nah. I've seen myself in spandex. I'm cute but that really doesn't look good on anyone no matter how skinny you are!

Missing WonderDad

WonderDad doesn't come home until tomorrow afternoon. I hate it when he's gone. Sure I'm getting better at "being alone". OK technically I have the kids with me but you understand. When we were first married I was so afraid of being alone when he had to go out of town that I would make a friend sleep over. My in-laws lived 5 minutes away but I didn't want to stay there. Not that they wouldn't have had me. They always offered but I had the cat to take care of and I did want to be in my own house. The upshot was that one of my friends, A, lived in the same town with her mom, so she loved the idea of not having to stay there for a week. I told her to come and go as she pleased. I didn't need her to entertain me. I just wanted to know that someone else was there. We've since moved and A is married so there goes that plan.

However the slumber party was a success. WonderBoy and K's daughter J didn't go to sleep until midnight when they finally crawled into K's and my beds but it was a good night. J stayed until 11:30 yesterday and the kids had a blast. They were running around in the back yard and using the bubble machine. There is sand everywhere from the sandbox. I managed to clean the living room, the porch, the kids room, the playroom half of the office and most of the kitchen. My room however is a disaster!

I adore K. The only problem is that she is naturally skinny. I'm not big by any means but I'm much shorter and curvier. Sometimes after spending a lot of time with K I feel like a water buffalo. If she weren't so wonderful you'd want to hate her. But you can't. She and her family are amazing. They might move. I hate to even think it but K's husband will know by June. Wonderboy and J are supposed to go to school together, and the prom and get married! Nothing official of course just a mama's plans. Actually, WonderBoy may have competition in the form of the Alligator. WonderBoy is a bit passive. Alligator is not. He was tying to grab J and give her a full on lip-lock. He tried to put his head in her lap. J wasn't into it but he tried nonetheless. What can I say, he IS MamaSigi's kid.

Feast or Famine

Why is it that when I'm at work it's always feast of famine in terms of the work load? Why does it feel like my brain is generally working in the inverse manner during those times? I know that there is tons of things to do but my brain won't cooperate right now. All I can think about is doing something fun with the kids tonight. WonderDad is out of town on business and I really would like to do something fun with the kids this weekend.

We've actually had several really busy weekends lately. We went with WonderDad to BigCity a few weeks back, when he had to go for work. Unfortunately our car was hit in the hotel parking lot during that trip (of course there was no note!), but the kids and I ended up having a really good time. We found this great indoor playground to play in. Ok since the car was damaged we ended up only having 20 minutes to play there before they closed but we made the most of it. Then we met up with an old labmate of mine who is now postdoccing at University in BigCity for lunch at Red Robin. J's parent's were coming for Easter so she couldn't spend the rest of the afternoon with us. So I packed the kids up and we went to the Science Museum. They love that place. We played hard until it was time to pick up WonderDad and his co-workers who had driven up with us.

The following weekend we drove back to BigCity and went on an Easter train ride. The bunny himself was even there. There was some drama that morning but that is for another post, but it was a good trip. We took out my friend L who I used to babysit when I was at college on the East Coast.

Then the week of Easter unfortunately we were not all together. WonderDad and WonderBoy went to DC to see the College Hockey Frozen Four. They met up with WonderGramma and WonderPapa and even WonderUncle. It can be cold in DC in April, so I took the Alligator to Phoenix to see his Godmother, Tante D. Worst flight ever...tale for a different post but a great trip nonetheless.

Anyhow, back to this weekend. Since the Alligator was born I have found that WonderBoy and I don't spend as much time together as I would like. I know the Alligator is smaller and more demanding of my attention but I hate that I don't spend as much time with him. To be fair at times it feels like WonderDad isn't spending as much time with the Alligator. It's just tough. WonderBoy wants certain things and can play things that the Alligator just can't. I try to schedule special MamaSigi/WonderBoy activities but when WonderDad is out of town that just can't happen. Couple that with sometimes I'm just so flippin tired after work that I don't feel like playing with the kids. I am at times content to just to let them play with each other in the playroom, while I decompress a little. If I don't get that decompression time I find that I yell a lot more at the kids and they just don't deserve it.

But tonight is different. I have energy and I want to do something fun. So, I'm going to leave work a little early and get the kids. Our neighbors (just the mom and daughter) are going to come over as well and we are going to have a slumber party in my living room. K's husband is taking their son on a cub scout trip so we might as well stay together. I'm going to open up the sleeper sofa and get the air mattresses ready. We're going to pop some popcorn, Watch some movies, Bake some cookies and let K's daughter put makeup all over me. And tomorrow? We're going to the zoo.

Short

I'm short. Not that this comes as a surprise to me or anything. I've been the first person in line when they arranged us by height since kindergarten. Yes I was a big ole nerd but that wasn't the only reason that I sat in the front row at school. I'm legally in many states considered to be a little person. I actually like the term midget but since it does seem to offend that community I'll refrain from the use of the term. How short? I'm 4"10.75". If I'm right in the things I've looked up, 4' 10" and under is the federal cut off for being termed a little person. Right now I only qualify in certain states. DadWonder is far from short. I think he's 6'1" or 6'2". At his height who cares about an extra inch. At my height every fraction counts. I know you shrink with age so basically I'm not that far off from nationwide little person status. So what's my gripe about all of this? Clothes. I really hate petite shopping. I'm 31 but most clothes for women my height either either has to be bought in the juniors section or it looks like it's for a Golden Girl. Now I love me some Sophia but I'm not ready to dress like her. As for the junior section...I'm a mama and thus many of these things are soooo not age appropriate. I'm not sure it was appropriate when I was the age. Also I have a booty. I used to have boobs but breastfeeding two kids got rid of that. In the end trying to find pants for a shorty like me with a butt and a small waist in age appropriate fashion and length is damn near impossible. Oh yeah and I need to be able to afford them. Sorry I can not bring myself to buy jeans for $100 a pop. The Alligator likes to eat no matter how cute mama looks in the pants.

The start of something

Since this my first post I should reveal, I suppose a few bits of information about myself. I'm a married mother of two fantastic boys. Our eldest, herein known as BoyWonder, is 4 1/2 years old. He's funny and gentle and terribly sensitive. I adore him. Our youngest, herein known as Alligator, will be two next month. He is a rough and tumble kid. He's already knocked out one of his front teeth. He has a great sense of humor and my Dad's smile. I've been married to DadWonder (I swear BoyWonder is a clone of his father, hence the name) for almost eight years. He's an engineer and does lots of stuff that I can't explain...not because I don't want to but simply because I actually can't explain them. I am a scientist. I have an amazing job for a company that will just be referred to as ThePlace. I've been at ThePlace now for almost five years. It's a good place to be.

So what's the point to this blog? Does it really need to have one? Ok well if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I used to keep a diary religously when I was in high school. I stopped around the time that I met DadWonder. I'm not sure why. I think that I just didn't feel the need to write in the journal when I had him to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I still have him to talk to. I love talking to him. But over the years I also had more female friends to confide in and they served as my diary of sorts.

I've found that the more educated you get (I've got my PhD from an Ivy...not bragging just filling in details) that you tend to get more specialized. Well in my field...specialization comes with a cost. You make friends and then they go off to their own labs and leave you behind. It was a lot easier when I was in grad school. Now that my family is more settled it's harder to find other couples that want the same friendship dynamic that DadWonder and I want.

I should explain. DadWonder and I married right out of his grad school. I was still working on my PhD. We had been together for 5 years at that point. Even though he is a fraternity guy, we never had that sterotypical fraternity lifestyle. I think we were always old for our age. We had BoyWonder when I was 27 and Alligator when I was 29. We've just always been settled. Unfortunately, our friends are just getting to that settling down stage. Some still getting married, some just having their first child, some still trying to find the right one. Anyhow, this leaves us either ahead of the curve or behind it. We're ahead of those that are just getting settled but our kids are too young at times to hang out with those who have been settled far longer than us.

What was my point? Oh yeah, in the end it gets a little lonely. So I'm just gonna start blogging. Maybe you'll find yourself in the same position and we can share this journey together. Maybe no one will read this and I'm just writing to myself. Either way sometimes you just need an outlet to think. This is mine.